Just as most of us do, I went to school. I attended a small school, with about 50 people in each class. The good thing about this is that everyone knew each other, and the bad thing was that everyone knew each other.
For the most part, I enjoyed school, mainly because I was good at it. I did well in every class and eventually graduated as high school valedictorian. The downside to doing well for so long, is that you eventually fear that you will fail, or get a B (which is the same thing as failing).
In fifth grade, I forgot to turn in a homework assignment for one of the classes. Because of this, I got a zero on the assignment. That pulled my grade down to a B. This of course was unacceptable. Because I knew how to work the system, I talked to another teacher. Most of our teachers would drop the lowest grade each semester in case we were having a “bad day”. Somehow I was able to convince the one teacher to talk to the other teacher and my zero was dropped, and I was able to keep my streak of straight A’s alive.
School always came relatively easy for me. I didn’t need to study as much as other people did. I don’t think that I was really a teachers’ pet, but doing well in school gave you certain “privileges”. I could walk the hallway without being questioned, and go to my locker during class without getting the fifth degree. Doing well established a certain level of trust, even if it wasn’t earned.
So what does any of this have to do with life purpose? Doing well in school for me fulfilled my purpose for a time. It was a worldly purpose, one I placed on myself. No one pressured me to do well in school. I completely placed that burden on myself. I do believe that God gave me the ability to learn easily, but that has also led to my restlessness at this age when I’m not being challenged in life.
See. I brought it all together eventually.
Making a move in any direction, no matter how small, when you feel stuck or uncertain can bring you hope.
Help me to remember that you have a plan for me even though it isn’t apparent to me right now. You have put me in a certain place for a reason that I don’t understand. Help me to remember that you will not give me more than I can handle.
Please reveal a part of your plan for me so that I can have hope for a better tomorrow.
A July day 30 years ago, I came into this world. Nothing spectacular I’m sure, although my parents may see it differently. I had a pretty standard childhood for the most part and I always had what I needed, with some extras, but nothing that too many other American children would be jealous of.
My parents were divorced when I was pretty young. I don’t remember life much before then. A lot of people would likely say that having their divorced parents made their lives more difficult, and to some extent, I would agree. But I gained a second mother and father with my stepparents. Both them helped to shape me to be the person I am today. It’s hard to know exactly how I would have turned out otherwise, but I think I’m better for the entire thing.
When my mom and stepdad were married, we lived at the house that he had out in the country. It was old and in need of some serious help, but he know what he was doing and honestly, it’s hard to believe how far it has come. I think it has honestly kept me from even considering a house that requires a serious amount of rehab.
Along with my stepdad came three stepsisters. For stepsisters, I got pretty lucky. We would sometimes stay at their grandparents house (which I adopted as my grandparents as well). It was a large farm house out in the country. It kind of had that scary feeling to it only because of the sheer size. It didn’t help that one of the stepsisters told me that Jeffrey Dahmer lived in the closet of the room that we all slept in.
I would mark my first personal experience with Jesus as having happened at their house. Grandma tucked us in and asked us if we had a personal relationship with Jesus, and then she would pray with us. At that age I had no idea what that meant or how it would later impact me. I am grateful that she cared enough to take the time to pray with us though at such an early age.
This was only the start of my walk and planted the seed for future growth and opportunities.
Despite my lack of sleep and restlessness at night, I pray that you would give me the energy to make it through the day and to provide safe travel for myself and my family.
Please give me the strength to make it through today, knowing that you are in control and are always watching over me.